she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
