I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
