I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
