Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize