I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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