What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
