lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
