period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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