he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Holy shit dude........stairs
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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