I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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