I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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