At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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