Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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