You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
