so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
