scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i love accidental penises.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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