she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
