can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize