I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
