I am puke
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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