just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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