He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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