She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
