Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
