At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
