She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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