Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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