I wanna bring you to show and tell
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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