NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
