It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
