I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
