she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
