I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
