ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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