My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
