its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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