There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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