My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
