Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
