Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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