turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
