no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
