Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
