She is in my trunk
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
