Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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