get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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