i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
