you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
