I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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