you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
