I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
