My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize