Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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