I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Bring me that man meat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
