dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
