Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Randomize
