Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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