How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
