We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
