Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
