I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
