OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
