Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
