I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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