i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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