I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
