worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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