I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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