Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
zippers are such a cool invention
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
