I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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