Tell her she can't have a vagina
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
